Everyone's Searching (Temporary Title)
by Scarlett4
Summary: Sirius' girlfriend is killed by Voldemort, James' mother is hiding something from her son, Remus has to deal with being a werewolf and falling in love. Where is the newest transfer student's place in all this? Rating just to be safe. Please, please R
1. Prelude: Sirius' Guilt

Disclaimer: 

The Marauders: Sirius Black a.k.a. Padfoot, Remus Lupin a.k.a. Moony, James Potter a.k.a. Prongs, Peter Pettigrew a.k.a. Wormtail, Lily Evans, Voldemort, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Hogwarts and everything regarding Hogwarts have been created by J.K Rowling and are not products of my otherwise bright mind.

For those of you who are reading this, I would appreciate it if you would take the time to review it. Flame it, praise me, it will all be welcome. I really need your feedback. Now, on to the story.

**Chapter 1: Prelude: Sirius' Guilt**

~~~***~~~

_"Sirius!" He could hear her voice coming from somewhere far away._

_"Sirius!" He was running as fast as he could, but her voice kept moving away. He knew he had to reach her before HIM, but his legs hurt, he felt a loud hammering in his head, his eyes were narrowing and he found himself in a deep darkness. _

_"Sirius!" Now, her voice was near him. They were in the same room, lying on a cold floor, without being able to see each other._

_"Sirius..." Again, her voice trailed off._

_"Cassie..." He could hear the tears in his own voice._

_The light that filled the room made him close his eyes. He knew he had to find her. He tried to open his eyes, a terrible pain stabbing them. She wasn't there anymore! He was pushed against the walls by an invisible force, and he could feel every bone in his body hurting. She was dead! She was dead! The thought conquered every single chamber of his mind. All of it was his fault. He had killed her..._

_~~~***~~~_

"Sirius, wake up! Wake up!" 

Remus Lupin and James Potter looked at him worriedly, as he opened his eyes. 

"The same dream, Sirius?" James asked, handing him a glass of water.

He nodded, and took the glass from his friend's hand, taking a sip of that cold, soothing water. 

"I…killed…her." Sirius said, his voice dying in anguish. He then got up from his bed and moved to the open window. James and Remus couldn't see his face; they only saw his eyes sparkle in the moonlight. Sirius had never cried since Cassie's death. He was still trying to play his role as the strongest boy in Hogwarts, but his friends knew that Sirius found himself trying to deal with more pain than he could take.

"You know, we aren't at school here." Remus tried making Sirius step off the stage for once.

"Listen to me, Sirius," James said, "you did not kill her. You couldn't have done anything. We all know that Voldemort is the strongest dark wizard in a hundred years. You could've gotten yourself killed, for heavens sake."

"Would've been better if I would've." Sirius sighed.

James rushed towards him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Sirius… You know you don't really mean that. At least the Sirius I used to know wouldn't mean it."

"The Sirius you used to know died with her. All there is left is this." He said, pointing to his body. "This murderer you have right in front of you." He continued, in a mock tone. 

 James could feel Sirius trembling as he gently guided him towards the bed.

"Maybe you should get some sleep. We'll talk about everything in the morning."

Lacking strength to oppose, Sirius lied on his bed, his eyes open and his mind still fighting with all of those memories. James and Remus on the other hand tried to get some rest, which was more than useful, as every night of the past three months had been spent the same way. 

~~~***~~~


	2. Whatever The Morning Brings

**Chapter 2: Whatever the Morning Brings**

The next morning, Remus was the first to wake up. His werewolf senses had told him something wasn't quite right with Sirius, and he wasn't the least bit wrong. His friend was standing near the window, staring at some far away point.

"For how long have you been like this?" Remus asked, concern showing in his voice.

"Does it really matter?… You know, that is her star over there." He said, pointing to the fading constellation of Cassiopeia. "Remus…"

"Yes?"

"Do you think she blamed me for her…death? I mean, I know I am guilty, but did she know that my father was…who he was?" Sirius asked, the same pain covering his voice.

Whenever he would speak of his father, Remus knew he was on the edge. Sirius usually respected his own rule to never mention Shedar Black, but there were times like this when he just couldn't avoid the discussion. 

"You never told her who he was, did you? So there is no way she could've found out, unless…"

"Unless Snape told her." Sirius stated, rage filling his eyes. "Not that it would matter anymore…"

"Why do you have to keep tormenting yourself, Sirius?" James asked. 

He had been awake since the beginning of the discussion, but he wanted to see where it was going before he would intervene.

"Even if she knew that your dad was… is a death eater, it didn't make a difference, did it? She was still in love with you, and nothing changed that." James continued.

"It's easy for you to say. You still have your Lily, while they didn't even let me see Cassie after..." Sirius shouted.

He could clearly remember the day of her funeral, when James and Remus were given the difficult task of keeping him away from the cemetery. Cassie's parents were Muggles, and they insisted that no one belonging to the weird world that had taken away their daughter would come near her grave. 

"Is everything all right?" James' mother knocked at the door. She had heard the boys' loud voices and was more than worried about Sirius.

"Yes, mom. We'll be down for breakfast in a minute,'kay? James reassured her.

~~~***~~~

Half an hour later, a dejected James, a troubled Remus, and the shadow of Sirius came down the stairs to the kitchen. Evellyn Potter stopped cooking breakfast for a few seconds to look at them. She saw both her son and Remus discouraged by obviously being unable to make their friend snap out of his depression. 

Five months had passed since James had sent home a letter in which he tried to explain his parents all he knew about Cassie's death and about Voldemort's rise. He also shared his concern about Sirius' terribly low spirit. The situation hadn't changed much since then, with the only difference that nothing had been heard of Voldemort. 

Evellyn Potter sighed, going back to pouring orange juice into the glasses. If only she could tell James… Unfortunately, she wasn't one to break vows, so she had to keep the secret to herself, until her son would discover it. 

A sudden thud on the kitchen's window made her forget her thoughts. Three giant owls waited to be let in. The snow white one flew on James' shoulder, letting him untie the parchment on her leg. The brown one with white spots made its way to Remus' plate dropping a letter and started pecking at the bread. The last one, a black owl, was trying to attract Sirius' attention, but he kept looking at his plate, oblivious to everything around him, so the owl ended up by handing Mrs. Potter the message.

Between two bites of ham and eggs, James and Remus started reading their letters.

"To Mr. James Potter, Mr. Remus Lupin, and Mr. Sirius Black

Potter Residence

Godric's Hollow

Dear Mr. Potter,

We care to announce you and your two companions that the school year is to start as usual on September 1st. The Hogwarts Express will be leaving from King's Cross Station, Platform 9 ¾…" James read.

"The list of school books for this year is as following:

**Guide to Medieval Sorcery, by Alberic Histric**

**Most Unusual Plants and Their Use, by Rosalina Weed**

**Darkest Secrets of Dark Magic and the Way to Break Them, by Ny Noctus**

**Encyclopedia of Dark Creatures, compelled by the Ministry of Magic**

**Potions-The Complete Guide, by Janine Cauldron**

**Making Complex Potions, by Heng Dragon-tail**

**Transfiguration for 6-th years, by Athena Foxface**

**Advanced Transfiguration, by Elijah Changeitall**

**Charms-All You Never Knew Before, by Nute Gnimrahc**

I also suspect that the three of you will need new cauldrons, after what happened with the last ones.

Please get your permission to go to Hogsmeade signed by either a parent or a legal guardian.

Yours truly,

Minerva McGonagall, 

Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts"

After James finished reading, he exchanged glances with Remus. How could this woman know that their cauldrons were kinda sorta gone when they tried to pull another of their famous pranks on Severus Snape, also named Mr. Slime of Slytherin? The reminder of the prank was however more painful than the detention that had followed. It had all been Sirius' idea. The same Sirius that was now pushing food around his plate, looking at some far away point.

After a minute of silence, which Evellyn Potter could feel was getting heavier and heavier, she decided to break it.

"So, what does your letter say, Remus?"

The sixteen year old opened the envelope to find an epistle from his parents, who had been gone on Ministry business for three months.

"Dear Remmie,

Your father and I have been forced to prolong our stay in Hungary as the Ministry considers that our work is very useful in the search for Voldemort and ways to defeat him…"

Remus stopped too late. The name of You-Know-Who had had an unexpected effect on Sirius. He stood up from the table, crashing the plates on the floor in the process, and ran up to the room that the boys shared.

James followed him with his eyes, shook his head, and whispered something that could not be heard. 

Remus chocked when he tried to regain his breath.

"I shouldn't have…" He apologized, his blue eyes turning the strange shade of gray they always had when he was upset about something he had done.

Evellyn Potter stood still for a few minutes. She hadn't expected such an outburst from Sirius. He was almost like her own son, as since first year he had spent practically every vacation at the Potter's. Evellyn hadn't been inquisitive as to why he wasn't staying with his parents; it was only later that she found out more about the boy's family.

"Mom…" James broke into her thoughts.

"Yes."

"Remus and I are going out. To clear our minds a bit. We'll be back before lunch, 'kay?" James promised. 

"Take care, you two." Evellyn Potter bid them goodbye, obviously preoccupied with the same problem that troubled them.

As she was trying to put everything that had happened in the last three months in a certain order, she heard noises behind her. She turned around to see a painfully pale Sirius gathering the broken plates from the floor. 

"I'm sorry…" he said, his voice barely audible. " I didn't mean to…"

Evellyn Potter felt her heart cringe at the sound of Sirius' excuses. She had heard that tone in his voice another time, about five years ago. And, all of a sudden, Evellyn kneeled, letting the child in front of her bury his head in her shoulder.

~~~***~~~

It was Christmas Eve and Evellyn, helped by James, was decorating the 2 meter high Christmas tree her husband had just apparated in their living room. 

Although she was a witch, Mrs. Potter liked keeping all of those Muggle traditions. She had raised her son trying to make him understand that Muggles had a somewhat odd world to live in, but they had done considerable progress without magic. In fact, she admired Muggles for some of their inventions and tried running her household less "magically" then others in the wizarding world would. James Potter was the lucky son of probably the only witch who knew how to use the microwave, the washing machine, and other appliances. However, she never hid the fact that most of the wizards didn't feel the same towards Muggles. Ever since he was little, James had been made aware of Voldemort's and his follower's plans to rid the world of Muggles, mudbloods, halfbloods and descendents of certain families. 

On that specific night, Evellyn didn't expect to hear more of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and the death eaters, but she was soon proven wrong. ****

The Potter living room was filled with owl feathers, because messengers arrived every 10 minutes or so with gifts and cards from their friends in the wizarding world. However, when Sirius' black owl made it's way through the window, Evellyn knew that something wasn't right with the boy. James hurried to read the message, and his mother watched as his face turned white. 

"Read this, mom." He said, handing her the piece of parchment.

Evellyn Potter had been an Auror before marrying William Potter, but she couldn't hold back a small cry as her eyes met Sirius' letter.

"Dear Mrs. Potter, dear James,

I know Christmas Eve is a terrible time to ask this, but I really need your help. I'm in King Cross Station, so if you could come and pick me up, I'd be really be grateful.

Sirius"

Tears stained the piece of parchment and they could see Sirius' beautiful handwriting turned into scribbling. Sirius, the Sirius that would never ask for help, now admitted that he needed someone to stand by his side.

"William! Will!" Evellyn called out to her husband. 

As he came down the stairs, she was ready to apparate.

"I'm going to King's Cross, honey. You wait here with James…"

"I want to come, too…" James argued. "After all, he is my friend."

"Please understand, Jamie. You can't." Evellyn couldn't explain her inner feeling that Sirius needed to talk alone with her. "Just trust me." She kissed his forehead and disappeared with a poof.

"Now, would someone care to fill me in on why my wife apparates to King's Cross, my son is as white as the paper he is holding and why no one ever lets me know that certain things are happening before they are actually happening?" William Potter said, a kind smile spreading all over his face. He motioned for James to sit next to him on the couch and remained silent while his son did his best to explain everything.

"Your mother did what she had to do. As she always does." Mr. Potter reassured James. "And I think she'll be happy if she finds the tree decorated when she comes back. Even if she'll probably complain that it looks terrible when men do this."

With these words, William and James Potter started an action that was supposed to take their minds off a twelve year old boy who was waiting for his best friend's mother to pick him up from London's biggest train station.

~~~***~~~

Nobody noticed him. In the dense crowd of London's biggest train station, you could easily get lost. Being twelve years old somehow made that more likely. Mrs. Potter did have some trouble until she was able to find a curled up boy sobbing on one the benches. She touched him lightly on the shoulder and felt him shudder.

"Sirius…" She whispered.

Huge black eyes with barely held back tears in them looked straight into hers. He was too proud to cry in front of someone, even then.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… do this exactly on Christmas Eve, Mrs. Potter."

"It's all right." She said, seating herself on the bench. "Now tell me what happened."

Sirius cleared his throat of that painful knot, and started telling the story that made him end up on a bench in King's Cross. 

"My dad… is having a reunion at our… at his house. There are a lot of men who talk about someone being their… Master. They said they were going to have another… raid, and one of them asked dad if he wouldn't bring me along, just to… practice the Unforgivables." At this point, he almost stopped, noticing the terrified look on Mrs. Potter face. 

"Go on…" She said, her voice gentle and reassuring. 

"I know this because my room is right above the living room, and I… took out a few pieces from the parquet to listen to them. And dad said yes and came up to my room to get me. I told him… no. And when he was showing his… guests out, I ran away. I only took my owl and a piece of parchment and a quill." The story ended somewhat abruptly, and Evellyn Potter knew there was more to it. There was enough time to find out what it was. Now, she had to make sure Sirius was safe and announce the Ministry about the raid.

"You want to go home, Sirius?" She asked. "I mean, our home which will be your home from now on." 

"Mhm." The boy nodded, wiping his eyes.

Just as Evellyn Potter stood up and took hold of Sirius' arm to apparate with him, she felt him cringe with pain. An assumption hit her that this was what he was hiding. She rolled up his sleeve and found his arm bruised.

"Did your father do this?" Evellyn was more than enraged.

Sirius nodded, his tears back in his eyes.

"When I said no, he hit me. But please, Mrs. Potter, don't tell James about this. I'll tell him, but not now. Please."

"You know I won't." Evellyn kissed the child's forehead, and felt that she now had two sons instead of just one. The mother in her swore that she would protect Sirius just as she would do for James.

With these thoughts in mind, she apparated home, holding Sirius in her arms. 

~~~***~~~

She had held the twelve year old just as she was holding the sixteen year old. The only difference was that at that time she could take away all the pain, at least the physical one. Now, there was this hurt in him that no one could charm away.

Evellyn Potter looked at the sixteen year old who kept his head buried in her shoulder. To say he had changed a lot since that night in King's Cross would have been an understatement. Sirius Black was the most popular Hogwarts student after James. Still, popularity couldn't replace the love that his father wouldn't give him. Yes, Sirius was the prince of Gryffindor, every girl's dream, The Prankster, Mister Detention and everything, but at the end of the day he was the son of death eater, who had never known his mother, who, before being adopted by the Potter's, had never had a real family. Most of the time, being popular was enough for him, but there were moments when the twelve-year-old kid sobbing on a bench in King's Cross, an image he kept buried deep inside, would resurface. 

Cassie's death had brought up all the pain in the past, and Sirius somehow couldn't find the way back to the present.

"Mom…" He had called Evellyn Potter "mother" ever since the night in King's Cross. "I think… I should take these to the trash…" 

Sirius even tried a weak smile, but Evellyn Potter knew this was only his way of recomposing his character for school. Still, it was better than everything she had seen in the past three months.

~~~***~~~


End file.
